The time comes in every relationship, whether it be one of friendship, acquaintance, kinship, or romance, when it must come to an end. This happens in countless different ways and for an even greater number of reasons, but the end always comes with a severance package filled with little reminders of once wonderful memories which now hurt to think about.
This severance payout begins the morning after they let you go, when the sun is barely peaking over the horizon. After fumbling for your alarm’s elusive ‘off’ button you find yourself alone next to an empty pillow. It still smells of her favorite perfume because you just didn’t get around to washing the sheets yesterday. When you begin tidying up and getting ready to do laundry you’ll find that she left a pair of shorts on your floor and her phone charger is still hanging out of the wall next to yours, but that’s ok cause she has others at home and, after all, you left a bottle of whiskey and the last of a bottle of wine at her place. “She got the better half of that trade.” You think to yourself as you sit down for morning tea and find that she’s also left some of her long blond hair buried in the couch cushions. It’s odd that you never noticed before, how much hair that girl left behind.
Life must go on, but on the way to work the radio plays a song you had made love to just days earlier and your thoughts turn, sadly, to what was, at the time, the most beautiful moment of your life. Who are we kidding? It still is the most beautiful moment and she thought so too, but the moment is over and can’t ever happen again. You realize at this point that everything you do will remind you of her for a time. All of it will hurt but that’s ok because what good would a relationship be if you could forget it just a day after it’s over.
I’ve been in many of these relationships which have ended or changed forms. Sometimes I’ve been ready for the end and others not so much, but every time there is sadness and every time there are countless things to remind me of the good old days, seemingly taunting me while pointing out what I could have had. The thing that scares me though, isn’t that sadness, but the fact that the reminders inevitably fade away until I can no longer remember how I felt with that person. Sometimes, even, the good feelings are replaced with bad feelings, and all I feel is relief that I no longer have to deal with it. That, not sadness, is the true tragedy in ending something. Time will inevitably wash away all remnants of anything that ever was, and it will always do so too quickly.